Who’d Be A Woman. Misogyny; Our Ugly Shame.
It is of little surprise that the Duke and Duchess of Sussex have decided to depart these shores and set up camp on Vancouver Island. A quick flick through Meghan related tabloid headlines throws up an immediate dislike of the woman from the moment we discovered she was shacking up with our beloved rebel Prince Harry. Our unpleasant distrust for her, however, should not have been the surprise some commentators are exclaiming it to be in over exaggerated exasperation. We did the same to Fergie in 1986 ahead of her marriage to Prince Andrew. A prince who some thirty years later we have forgiven for his paedo rapist past within what feels like a fortnight because, well, Meghan is apparently much worse. Diana we loved. In 1981, shy, demure, delightful Diana who would be fortunate enough to marry our future King. Loved her until of course we discovered she had escaped her horrendous marriage to the philandering Prince by shagging men she actually fancied, how dare she. We forgave and loved her again once she was all but decapitated in a car accident and killed. What a journey to redemption. And so with future Queen Kate. Shy, demure, delightful Catherine who wins the prize of our future King and we still love her because she behaves as we expect. Keeps quiet, hides her cleavage and bakes cakes with Mary Berry.
Fergie was marrying the spare and from the off was nothing but trouble. Meghan the same. Not in line for the top job so what’s the point of them. Both women causing mischief and embarrassment for our Royal Family from the off whether it be toe-sucking the accountant or inviting non-white people into family photographs. Both seemingly distasteful. Just who do they think they are? And let us not forget the Duchess of Windsor who stole our rightful King in 1936 and without whom none of the above would ever have been. And what do they all have in common? Why their gender of course. And our open loathing? A good old-fashioned dollop of misogyny.
Our collective inability to identify, challenge and tackle misogyny is possibly our greatest social ill and one we all, across whatever gender we wish to align ourselves with fail to address. The majority of our contemporary social phobias can be linked directly to misogyny and our continued enthusiastic tendencies to revel in it.
Verbal and physical violence towards gay men is misogynistic. The referral to batty men, benders, faggots whatever derogatory slur that is hurled our way comes from the belly of not a real man, practically a woman. The tragedy is that some gay men have even adopted this rerouted self-loathing internalised misogynistic homophobia with which to decorate our own communities. In response to flamboyant out gay celebrities we see an influx of social media commentaries of how these types of gays bring shame upon our community. Shame heaped upon gay men who are real men, not faggoty female types. So what if a gay man presents as an effeminate creation of camp? Furthermore the bottom shaming language that has permeated our banter, there are even categories of bottom that separate the men from the girls. The power bottom is considered fierce and aside from acting like a duracel bunny penis receptacle, much more of man than the limp lady boy who just lays back and takes it like a girl. Misogynistic language concealing our own inability to address our father’s disappointment that his son is a Mary-Ann.
Transphobia is inherently misogynistic. More than 330 trans women were murdered worldwide in 2019, over 130 of these in South America, 63 in Mexico, 30 in the US and 10 across the EU including the United Kingdom. These figures only account for the violence that resulted in the death of the murdered victim and in November 2019 CNN reported that the figures in the US could be much higher. Many families, law enforcement authorities and local government departments in the US record the death of the individual using the gender defined on their birth certificate, irrespective of the gender they were living by.
Misogyny is of course not limited to the role that men play. Many women fall in line with the long since defined patriarchal structures, and alongside their male counterparts take an active role in taking down other women on account of their beliefs, politics, social behaviours and dress codes.
Examine the recent BBC Dramatisation The Trial of Christine Keeler. In the early 1960s, Ms Keeler and her friend Mandy Rice-Davies aged 18 and 16 respectively were befriended by society Osteopath Stephen Ward who at age 50 introduced them to several high-profile male politicians, most notably Jack Profumo. The sex scandals that ensued almost brought down the government and certainly was seen as a contributing factor in the election defeat of 1964. For decades it is the teenage girls in this story who have been vilified and cheapened by the official patriarchal narratives. Previous tellings of this story have focused upon the fall of man, whether Profumo or Ward. This new BBC adaptation on the young women. These were two teenage girls, groomed and manipulated by men both close to and in government and yet they were painted at the time as prostitutes and society sluts. The inability of Prince Andrew to engage with the FBI investigation into the alleged procurement of a young woman for his physical pleasure tells us that almost 60 years on from the Profumo affair, we have learned and changed nothing.
As gay men we have a responsibility towards women. Throughout our own personal and collective community history women have been our allies. Yes, the obvious high-profile famous ones but moreover the unsung heroes. The girls who befriended us at school when we could neither relate to nor be welcomed into the boys’ club. The nurses who cared for us during the AIDS epidemic, the receptionists at the clinics today who greet us like sons of their own. The lesbians who stepped up at the height of it all and ran support groups and community information services when we were too sick or stricken to care for ourselves. The radicals who ran the GLF and paved the way for the freedoms we have today. In the light this it is misogyny itself which is the source of our true shame and it is time, for payback.
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