Not words I ever expected to say … this wasn’t part of the plan.
DESPITE a fairly normal childhood, I never really felt comfortable in my own skin. I started using drink and drugs in my teens, like everyone else. They solved my problem, and helped me to become the person I thought I wanted to be; I partied hard and believed I’d found the key to happiness and success.
After moving to Brighton in 1999, I found ‘the scene’ and felt like I’d found my place in the world, my home. I loved the acceptance and freedom I felt here, to be whoever I wanted to be. I spent almost every night in my favourite clubs and bars, always afraid of what I was missing if I spent a night in. I was part of something bigger than me, and for a while, things were great.
Fast forward a few years, and things began to change, the people I partied with started to move away from the scene, and become more sensible – they grew up!
I refused to do so, and things became more serious and sordid – I drank every day, and partied every weekend without fail. The gaps between using drugs got shorter, and the variety of drugs I used grew. Cocaine, ecstasy, speed, GHB, ketamine … they all did it for me, they filled the hole in my soul.
At some point, using drugs and drinking stopped being a choice and became a necessity. After reaching breaking point more than once, each time being worse, with more consequences, and a soul-destroying desperation, I realised that this had to stop, my life was at risk.
It was then that I sought help and went to my first 12-step meeting. This felt like the end of the road and I was certain my life would never be good again, how would I have fun if I couldn’t drink and use drugs?
In reality, this end was the beginning for me. I found a different type of home, and met people who had felt and behaved like me. What a relief!
When I walked into my first Cocaine Anonymous meeting, I was immediately made to feel welcome – someone made me a cup of tea, gave me a hug and a place to sit. And, as I listened to what everyone else had to stay, I felt a glimmer of hope for the first time.
Two and half years down the line, I live a life that I couldn’t have imagined in my wildest dreams. I got my family back, I have love and laughter in my life, and a fellowship of like-minded people who help me to stay clean and sober one day at a time. I don’t spend my time avoiding and obsessing over drugs and alcohol, I am free.
Cocaine Anonymous offers a program of recovery that is open to everyone, free of charge, and which protects the individual with anonymity. It is a fellowship of men and women who share their experience, strength, and hope with each other that they may solve their common problem and help others to recover from their addiction. We have found that the best way to reach an addict is to speak to them on a common level. Our members are all recovering addicts who maintain their individual sobriety by working with others.
Cocaine Anonymous is not a drug-specific fellowship, and we treat all mind-altering substances, including alcohol, in the same way. Our primary purpose is to stay clean and to help others to achieve sobriety irrespective of the substances they use. Cocaine Anonymous uses the twelve steps of Alcoholics Anonymous, which is a programme of action, designed to bring about a change in us, that allows us to get clean and stay clean.
Meetings are where newcomers get a chance to meet recovering addicts who can help and support them. We hold over 35 meetings a week, at venues all over Sussex, and there are daily meetings in Brighton and Hove. The group itself can vary in size from 5-30 people, with a variety of formats. Everyone gets a chance to share their thoughts or just to listen to others.
Our meetings are diverse and inclusive of all people, regardless of gender, sexuality, social background, religion or disability, and we are also currently starting one within the LGBTQ+ communities, details of which will be available on our website or meetings list once a time and venue are confirmed.
To get in touch with us, you can visit our website: www.cocaineanonymous.org.uk or call our helpline: 0800 612 0225, which is open from 10am to 10pm every day. Our helpline is staffed by our members, and you can call for information, a chat with someone who understands, and details of our meetings. If you are interested in going to a meeting, we can get someone local to you to give you a call with more information.
Finding Cocaine Anonymous has saved my life, and I am a very happy and healthy member of society today. We can help you if you feel you are at the end of the road and are desperate to stop, we have a solution that works.
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