Isolation by Richard Jeneway

YOU look but do you see? Well for me that is my life as a blind person. My focus is on what I hear observe by body language, smell, touch, voice inflection along with intuition and gut instinct.

WHEN we are out and about do we really see what is happening or do we unconsciously take away that what we don’t want to see? As we enter late winter and with thoughts of spring can we make some changes to what we actually see?

What do we hear? Do we listen when someone is talking to us? We think we do but can we remember or indeed reflect on a friends thoughts. When I listen to various groups of people who are older, I wonder if service providers hear and listen to people’s expectations and needs .Often I am advised that ‘collated statistics’ are evidence of the services people want, but are they?

Is anyone listening, I mean really listening?
Within the older HIV population and along with older LGBT+ communities, who is hearing what we say? In my view and evidence based it is the smaller organisations which are Peer and Volunteer lead are the ones who really do listen.

I was asked very recently by a funding organisation how charities along with small groups can connect with people who are isolated. There are so many reasons, feeling disconnected or not belonging to the community that surrounds us, mental health, depression, loss of friends and partners, carers or poor physical health, coupled with often with low-income and high living costs can contribute to isolation.

Some who are considered to be isolated choose that lifestyle for various reasons but are often contented with that way of life.

How do I know that? Because I know personally, some older people in the area when asked the answer is the same and little would draw them out of their established daily routine.

There is a sense of security we all feel within our living space, so listening to that group of people who may be isolated feeling intense loneliness breaking that routine is a great challenge.

Over the years of Volunteering I have listened with an open mind to many, mainly men, talking about loneliness and what mechanisms, if any, they have developed to combat those days when no one calls and the only contact is if they venture to the shop or have a coffee or via social media.

So would you notice someone sitting alone nursing a cup of tea and might you say Hello? Perhaps not for fear of rejection or a negative response or just because we are busy with our lives; but sometimes a few words can make a world of difference.

Now, there are many local organisations out there which offer lunch, supper, coffee and cake and various health, entertainment and hobby activities, but again if you are alone and feeling isolated and would like to connect but lack the confidence to engage I would urge you to go along even for half an hour to consider taking part. Many of the smaller groups and charities can offer a named volunteer to meet you at or just prior to the event and stay with you during the event and introduce you to others.

A great example of community peer lead events was the Lunch Positive supper evening this week. Over 40 people attended aged 50 and over. The range of food was fantastic and served at tables by the dedicated Volunteers.

This is a new event happening only for the second time. Many of the older people in Brighton who may be considered isolated do not feel connected to the scene because they do not attend bars where there is alcohol.

Many of their generation have died or just stay at home feeling the community has perhaps overlooked them. This event is a safe space where people with HIV can meet up, socialise and from what I hear fulfils a great service to what is a growing part of our community. As people live longer with HIV services like this are of high value, particularly because it is Peer lead by volunteers.

Something powerful stayed with me talking to people after supper. One older man told me he never goes out in the evening because he feels he does not fit in anymore. His routine is to stay at home, read, watch television or listen to music and social media.

His parting remark was that he felt energised coming to the supper and importantly excited about the next supper evening. He had met up with some old friends he had not spoken with for some considerable time. For me that is powerful for the simple reason that the supper has made at least one person break a self-inflicted routine.

If you are like that person or know someone who is alone then make the change and take the first step to try some of what is on offer, who knows you might end up re engaging with old friends or making new.

If money is an issue that need not be a barrier as some of the regular events are at low-cost. Discover what is going on locally and encourage someone who is alone to break out of their mould or better still offer to take them along.

We live in a City with such large LGBT+ communities of all ages,/cultures and genders which should be applauded and celebrated but let’s put the real meaning back into community by looking out for those who seem alone whatever their age.

Remember for those who are older being alone is often not their choice and is probably because of circumstances beyond their control.