Call it being busy, or call it my ADHD, but every year I end up creating excuses for late presents in the gift giving season. I just have a horrible habit of putting the task off. So, in an attempt to save as many of you as possible from a similar fate, here’s our list of Christmas ideas for the kinky or kink-adjacent, boyfriends, friends and those that fall effortlessly in between.
Dildos
Of course we were going to have dildos on the list. They’re a staple. But this is a kinkmas list, so we’re avoiding the boring, the mundane, and the … flesh coloured.
Twisted Beast do a range of fantasy dildos that are frankly as far away from standard as we can get. So much so, that I’m hoping the image flagging system we use won’t identify them as dildos and let us show them off. Their signature black-and-red wash demonic dildos are all made from high quality platinum cure silicone, meaning that not only are they body safe, but they’re also durable. These toys will last you a long time. Which is impressive, considering the work out they’ll be getting.
So, the dildos themselves. Currently, there are nine Twisted Beast dildos, each catering to a different niche. You want length? Then Asmodeus, one of the Seven Princes of Hell, is a long, ribbed, tentacle-like dildo that gets wider with every ridge. Buying for a friend who brags about how wide they stretch their hole? The girthy Valac, Hell’s Executioner, should give them a run for their money.
If your friends aren’t as ambitious as some of mine, but you still want something a bit more out there, Marchosias, Twisted Beast’s wolf dildo, is certainly a lot more ‘intro friendly’.
You might have noticed the hints of a narrative when I was talking about the above. And you’d be right to. Twisted Beast puts a considerable amount of effort into the characters and the world of their toys. More so than any other company that creates things that ultimately end up your ass. This is what really sets Twisted Beast apart and makes them a great present. You get to know the beasts, which, in this writer’s humble opinion, makes it all the more attractive.
I won’t get into it too much for this list, but Twisted Beast also does a fantastic line of poppers as well which may be of interest to your loved ones, considering what we’ve just discussed.
Bondage
I want you to promise me something. If you see that £10 bondage gear set on Ebay – you run for the hills. You tell yourself no, and that you deserve better than that. Bondage, specifically, is not something you want to skimp on when it comes to the price. You get what you pay for. And please believe me when I say that there is nothing more of a scene killer than your gear breaking the moment someone puts any hint of force behind it.
Fetters is a respected brand in kink circles with over 40 years’ experience making bondage equipment. If you want gorgeous, high quality, reliable gear, they’re your go to. So, I direct you to Fetters’ Padded Leather Wrist Cuffs, which will serve you well.
Dripping Wax
Look, kink isn’t necessarily the cheapest of hobbies. I’m very aware of this. So, let me provide you with a bit of a compromise. Wax play can be a fun way to explore kink on a budget. No gear is required, although some bondage equipment may enhance the scene, and the candles themselves come in at around £15. Perfect for someone you don’t have a big budget for.
Here’s the disclaimer part. When looking into wax play, I cannot stress enough, do not use regular candles. Wax play candles are specifically made to have a lower melting point, allowing you to safely drip them right onto skin without third degree burns.
Fuckables
While dildos vary in all shapes, sizes and fantasies, tops have been a little left out. Fuckables have historically all been made to look like the same boring old fleshlight. There’s not really been much innovation or excitement in this area. If you own one, you’ve owned them all. So for this segment I’m going to return to Twisted Beast, who earlier this year released their own fuckable.
Naberus, the infamous demon fuckslut of the infernal realm, is a dog-themed fuckable. With even softer silicone than their normal toys, the tops in your life will have the advantage of some pretty great cushioning as they enjoy themselves. And that tail? It’ll wag back and forth the whole time.
And with that, I leave you with my Kinkmas suggestions for 2022. Happy holidays, and don’t get up to anything I wouldn’t…
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