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MUSIC REVIEW: Jake Shears @Heaven

Take Your Mama To This. Jake Shears @Heaven, London, Tuesday November 14.

There are gigs where you can feel a collective audience groan as the artist you’ve adored for years introduces another new song from their forthcoming solo album. Jake Shears was asking for a whole lotta patience from the crowd at Tuesday night’s London gig who had yet to hear a good 80% of his set list.

I’ve never been a fan of Heaven as a venue, perhaps I have too many memories of late night personal appearances from waning pop stars to take it seriously as a musicians platform, but Tuesday night felt, gritty, grimey, sweaty and glamorous in all the right places.

As the crowd filled the space under the arches there was a unified political humour in evidence amongst the anti-Brexit/Trump tee-shirts, my favourite reading “make America Gay again”, and as the support DJ set gave us everything from The Pointer Sisters to The Rolling Stones via Primal Scream, it became apparent that we had no idea what to expect.

Half way through the evening, a tache adorned Shears apologised for being away for so long and revealed he had thought at one point he may never release music again, dissatisfied with the quality of what he was coming up with.

He persevered, and tonight we saw and heard the fruit of his labours, love and in the case new thumper Sex on the Brain, his loins. Having heard his new effort Creep City via Soundcloud, I expected a familiarity in the new material for Scissor fans and all that we have grown to love is evident in the new set; Lust, love, humour and funk in spades, all presented wrapped in that familiar voice which suggests bourbon, velvet, faded music hall and Elton John before his heterosexual years. In short it’s epic.

Of course it helps that Shears shits charisma, and from the second he appears on stage to set opener Good Friends, it feels as though we are. There is a smattering of Scissor classics including Laura, Take Your Mama both driven into the set with a new urgency that screams the promise of sweaty sex, and a paired down country influenced I Don’t Feel Like Dancing which is the post coital cigarette as the sun comes up over last night’s party.

But it is the new material that soars. The self poking fun of Big Bushy Moustache, the teasing Clothes Off (at one point I thought he might) and the spine chilling The Bruiser.

Since Jake Shears leapt into our radios and onto the Brit Awards more than a decade ago, the music world has changed beyond recognition.

In a universe where only Adele appears to shift physical units of anything, it’s difficult to know where he will sit or indeed wiggle, and who will listen. But based on tonight’s performance alone, this solo boy deserves to be massive, and his fine new collection too.

Tonight, I was in the presence of greatness, and his name was Jake Shears.

Creep City is available on SoundCloud.
@craigscontinuum

FEATURE: Friends Like These 

Carol Decker and T’Pau (finally) come to Brighton. 30 years on. By Craig Hanlon Smith @craigscontinuum

Carol Decker and T’Pau may seem an unlikely band of gay icons, but in 1987 they and their music were my gay teenage saviours. The album Bridge of Spies, now celebrating its 30th anniversary, saw me through my lonely angsty teenage years. I’d spend hours every week locked in my room “climbing the walls” with only these recordings for company. I felt as if every song was narrating my circumstance and counselling me to sanity: “it’s easy for you to be shocked at what I do, you’ve probably got someone at home”. Oh I’m sure, these songs weren’t actually written about me, but on reflection I find it amazing that music has such power to affect, infect, care, lead, inspire and support you through your s***.

All those boys at school I’d yearn to speak to let alone have a cuddle with; “I know mine, are the arms you’ll never hold” and “No, it doesn’t bother me, the time I spend in imagery”. The ability to run off to my secret patch of grass on the outskirts of town with these beauties embedded in my Boots Walkman, I firmly believe prevented me from coming to some serious harm. They were my escape, my coach and my friends until I was ready. Listening to these songs today isn’t a sad experience for me, they were holding my hand when I needed it most and hearing them now, I actually could go through it all again; “For what’s the point if you are never free to say, this is what I believe, this is a part of me, no hero, no regrets but only meant to be”.

Ahead of their anniversary show in Brighton in November, I chat to Carol Decker.

Thirty years ago, did you have any idea your music would have such an impact on people?
“No I didn’t have any idea of anything that grand! We were just young reprobates making music, touring and generally misbehaving. The whole point of being in a band (well back then) was to not have a plan. I was just being creative, hoping for the best. I had a few tick boxes: have a hit, maybe get on TOTP, but I didn’t really think past that.”

You recently released repackaged and remastered editions of your original albums, Bridge of Spies and the box-set The Virgin Anthology. How was it revisiting those?
“I found it really poignant because it was like an emotional rollercoaster and memories were tied up with personal and professional endings as well as lots of good and crazy times.”

What’s your relationship to those songs now?
“I enjoy performing them as I always make sure I work with excellent musicians who really lift the songs in their performance. Plus they mean so much to people and that’s an honour but I find it hard now to remember the girl who wrote them. Even when I look at my videos, I see Scarlett my daughter, not me. I see her face not mine.”

Thirty years, eh? Besides thinking where the hell did that go what are your highlights?
“Thirty years is a long time ago and it’s true what they say, ‘the past is a foreign country’. I’ve covered all the major moments from the big old days in my autobiography Heart & Soul, but most recently we did a 23-date acoustic tour in 2016 which was very different for me as I’m used to making a big noise. It was more delicate and I could really tell the story of the songs. I’ve done about 40 shows with Go West and Nik Kershaw which has been such a treat. Rewind Scotland this year was massive, Camp Bestival was awesome and last week we sold out Ricoh Arena in Coventry with Paul Young, Tony Hadley, Kim Wilde and a host of others. I’m so lucky to work alongside these amazing people who are part of such a memorably creative era.”

Is the first single Secret Garden from second album Rage really about the LGBT community?
“It was more [specifically] about being gay back then which was tricky in the early 1980s.”

Blimey that was progressive wasn’t it, 30 years ago? Where did that come from?
“It wasn’t about a specific person. We had a gay bass player in my first band The Lazers in the early 1980s who didn’t really come out as such, he just confided in a few of us and I kind of expanded the idea into a little parable for how we all hide our true selves to an extent.”

What can fans or first-timers expect from these anniversary shows?
“We’re going to play the classics and album tracks and I’m dusting the cobwebs off a few B-sides that I haven’t sung in 30 years… I hope I still can!”

Pick your three recommended T’Pau tracks from the recent releases…
“This would vary on a different day but these three songs have real stories: One Direction from The Promise. I had a view of Central Park from my hotel room and saw homeless people being ignored – lots of people just rushing by them. Sammy And Dave from Pleasure and Pain is the story of two friends that lived in Greenwich, they’d been together seven years and had reached an impasse in their relationship. And finally, with a nod to the Harvey Weinstein horror, This Girl from Rage which is my story of some of the vulgar unsolicited attention I had when I was younger.”

More Info:
♦  T’Pau play Islington Assembly Hall on November 23 and Brighton Concorde 2 on November 24.
♦  Heart & Soul by Carol Decker is available from Amazon.
♦  Bridge of Spies (expanded) and The Virgin Anthology are available in physical and digital formats.

OPINION: We Need To Talk About Kevin. But not for long……

As the skeletons of sexual misconduct began to pour out of Harvey Weinstein’s closet and unlock the gates of the palace of Westminster, a quiet yet uncomfortable thought slipped into my thoughts that ‘it won’t be long before one of those skeletons comes along waving a rainbow flag’.

Kevin Spacey
Kevin Spacey

However, I was still unprepared for the Kevin Spacey statement this week. The allegations themselves are a whole other debate, that I was not surprised by them is in itself a depressing indictment on our times but Mr. Spacey’s response has drawn ire from all corners of the international LGBT+ communities.

Kevin Spacey has during his illustrious career, remained publicly private about his sexual orientation. Rumours have abounded for decades, and a few knowing eyebrows raised when Mr. Spacey was robbed whilst walking his dog in a South London park at 4.30am when living in London during his ten-year stint as artistic director of The Old Vic Theatre.

Apparently “the dog really needed ‘to go’”. But let us not mock the midnight needs of a single man and his dog, private lives are private. There is no rule that states LGBT+ people famous or otherwise, must buy into the coming out parade and adorn themselves with rainbows or politically champion our equality and need for change. It would be nice if they did, some do, all do not have to, life is about choices.

Interesting then Spacey should choose the exact moment to publicly acknowledge his homosexuality, when responding to an allegation that when 26 years old, he attempted to seduce a minor. An actor he had been working with who was 14 years old. Mr. Spacey has not denied the allegation although he does state that he has no memory of it. He also apologises to the actor, Anthony Rapp, in particular for “the feelings he describes having carried with him all these years” and for what would have been “deeply inappropriate drunken behaviour”. The remainder of his statement almost seeks to explain his actions in stating that; “this story has encouraged me to address other things about my life…. I have loved and had romantic encounters with men throughout my life, and I choose now to live as a gay man. I want to deal with this honestly and openly and that starts with examining my own behaviour”. You may describe lifting a 14-year-old boy on to your bed, and laying on top of him whilst drunk ‘a romantic encounter’, but I do not.

In response, fellow LGBT+ performer Wanda Sykes responded on twitter saying “you do not get to choose to hide under the rainbow” whilst Sue Perkins accused Spacey of throwing an entire community under the bus.

The LGBT+ communities, gay men in particular, will find disclosures such as this challenging to respond to, but we should think carefully before high fiving our female friends and their ‘me too’, then defending our own kind claiming sexual orientation torment, gay confusion and heteronormative repression as a reasonable excuse for sexual misconduct.

We were all tormented, confused and repressed – me too. But in this instance Spacey was 26 and his confusion and torment 14 years old.

The rainbow is a badge of honour not an exit visa out of self-responsibility. There are now, it seems, other allegations beginning to surface, not involving teenagers per se, but a potential abuse of position seems not unlikely.

Craig Hanlon-Smith
Craig Hanlon-Smith

I am not, in turn, throwing Kevin Spacey under the bus. Sexual repression is truly devastating and dangerous and we do not talk about it enough. If we are not free to make relationship mistakes as a youngster then we will make them as a grown up, time and again, trust me. It is dangerous and devastating. But so is making sexual advances upon a vulnerable teenager.

Kevin Spacey is also not an idiot. Acting aside, and he has demonstrated excellence in the field, he is a talented, highly creative and extremely intelligent artistic visionary and director. He ran one of the UK’s most highly thought of producing theatre’s for ten years, he is smart, and he knew what he was doing.

When he wrote his response to these allegations, the same criteria must be applied to its analysis. It is a clever and well thought out attempt at deflecting responsibility for inappropriate behaviour into the field of generating sympathy and proclaiming himself to be the victim. No. Just no.

Mr. Spacey, you did not stand with me before, you do not get to stand with me now.

By Craig Hanlon-Smith @craigscontinuum

PREVIEW: Gilbert & George – THE BEAR PICTURES and their FUCKOSOPHY

White Cube celebrates 50 years of the art of Gilbert & George with a new exhibition across all four galleries at Bermondsey.

THE BEARD PICTURES go on show alongside THE FUCKOSOPHY, a collection of nearly 4000 pronouncements and mottoes created by the artists.

 

Gilbert & George appear in THE BEARD PICTURES as looming, otherworldly figures masked by surreal and symbolic beards; referencing beards not only as an emblem of millennial youth, but also as a mark of religious faith and social status.

This new exhibition features more than 40 BEARD PICTURES, including a monumental quadripartite which comprises 4 x 7m wide pictures emblazoned with the words ‘SEX’, ‘MONEY’, ‘RACE’ and ‘RELIGION’.

Also on display is THE FUCKOSOPHY, a collection of nearly 4000 pronouncements and mottoes created by Gilbert & George and installed on a large-scale in the main corridor and 9x9x9 gallery.

Gilbert & George first met as students at Saint Martin’s School of Art in 1967 and have lived and worked together in east London as a single artist ever since. They have been the recipients of many honours and awards, represented Great Britain at the 2005 Venice Biennale, and won the Turner Prize in 1986. Central to Gilbert & George’s approach to art-making is the motto Art for All.

Gilbert & George join writer, novelist and cultural commentator Michael Bracewell in conversation at Hoxton Hall, London on November 28 2017 at 6:30pm


Event: Gilbert & George: THE BEAR PICTURES and their FUCKOSOPHY

Where: White Cube, 144 – 152 Bermondsey Street, London SE1 3TQ

When: November 22, 2017 – January 28, 2018

Time: Tuesday – Saturday 10am – 6pm, Sunday 12pm – 6pm

Cost: Free entry

OPINION: Craig’s Thoughts – Tell Me About It (Stud) or A Problem Halve

In the August edition of Gscene, I shared at length an experience, a hate-crime of sorts and the debacle that followed at the hands of the criminal justice system.

I have no intention of recounting here, either the incident itself or the ensuing overall affair, it is a chapter I am closing.

However, I did, at the end of said article, pose some questions that in this ‘hate-crime’-themed edition, I would like to return to and hopefully offer some answers.

I’m uncomfortable with the term ‘hate-crime’ when reflecting upon my own experience. Having an association with an incident labelled as such holds such negative connotations for me and I’m equally uncomfortable accepting the role of victim within such circumstances, even if technically, and legally during the criminal justice process, that is exactly what I am. And yet actually being the victim does not mean that I need to accept the role and sit idly by as a passenger.

Following my entire experience of the past 15 months, I’ve learned that I’m much more in control of how I respond to such an affair than I ever considered during it.

I closed the article with a reflection on the idea of ‘duty’. The ‘duty’ to report incidents of hate and prejudice and how following my experience I would now question this duty and understand those who decide not to speak up.

About turn. There is an absolute duty to stand up and speak about the experience. To report it, and to press for a thorough investigation and consequences for those involved, even if the final legal result is not as I would wish. That said, my duty is not to the law, to the idea of right or wrong. My duty is not about faith in the criminal justice process and system or otherwise. My duty is to my community and to my wider LGBT+ family. And a duty I have for too long neglected.

Following the publication of the article both in print and online, the piece was widely shared on social media. I’ve been writing for this magazine for over 13 years and have contributed somewhere in the region of 200 articles during that time. The response to this narrative has been off the scale.

I’ve been contacted by individuals through all forms of social media, by email, by someone who knows someone who knows someone who asked if they could speak to me in person, via the magazine and directly in private messages on Facebook. Some of those messages a simple thank you for sharing, or I’m so sorry this happened to you. But others, hundreds and hundreds of words as those individuals shared their story with me.

Friends of friends approaching me at Pride to let me know they had read the piece, asking if they could share with me their own experience. And it was both my duty and absolute responsibility to listen to them. Stories that some had held secret for more than a decade. LGBT individuals whose common thread was that, during their own experience of hate-crime, they felt they were alone. They’re not, I’m not, you’re not, we’re not.

We protest for those who cannot. We speak up for those who don’t yet know they have a voice. We listen to those who feel they are never heard. This is our duty.

I posed three questions in my original article, I will answer them here.
Faced with the same set of circumstances, would I put my trust in authority and the right way of doing things? Yes and no. I would absolutely use the legal and appropriate channels in response to my own circumstances as I want to be the participant that is beyond reproach.

For my role in this to have been an innocent bystander unfairly attacked for who I am. But next time, I would be a nuisance throughout. Weekly phone calls demanding updates, letters to my local council, MP, LGBT liaison officer whosoever is an appropriate contact who might help move things along. I will participate in the process, but not allow the process to ask me to wait.

Politely but directly ask questions however challenging, and refuse to take “we’re dealing with it” as an acceptable dismissal. I didn’t ask to be on this journey but now I am, I’m taking the car keys.

Would I help someone in trouble at the potential risk to myself or say ‘nah mate I’m not getting involved’? Sharing my experience has reminded me how crucial we are to one another. Although it was helping another that put me in the firing line and led to the events I became embroiled in, I would do it again. To cross the street to avoid another in need or to turn our back on a stranger is a victory for the oppressor. Of course I will help.

Would I sit quietly by with polite decorum in the face of a sustained, horrible and public tirade of abuse? Not necessarily. That is not to say that I would use the insulting and abusive language of my (verbal) attacker, but I would call out the incident for what it was there and then and refuse to allow anyone in authority to talk me out of it whatever the reason.

This is a crime against me based upon the man that I am, it’s an assault, it’s against the law, and I expect the perpetrators to be dealt with in accordance with the law.

Sharing my story was not an entirely selfless act. I was assured that writing about it and using the opportunity I’m given through this magazine would help me move on and put it to rest.

Writing this piece today would suggest that perhaps I haven’t achieved this. I have. The book on my experience is now closed, but it wasn’t just the writing that helped. It was watching people listen, respond, offer me courage, love, kindness and remind me that it is not I who is the moron.
As I write, hurricane Irma batters Florida, having destroyed great swathes of the Caribbean in its path. And morons take to the airwaves, internet and social media platforms to proclaim God’s justifiable wrath in the face of LGBT+ equality as a reasonable explanation.

This is the language of idiots, but idiots have an audience. Call it out. Share the opposite and more reasoned explanation, science and the environment. Blaming you, me, us who come in peace to live our lives as only we know how, is an outrage and a crime. Do not tolerate it, stand up. It’s time to put an end to this nonsense. This is our duty.

@craigscontinuum

The things you see on Brighton beach at sunrise on a Sunday morning

Should you happen to be out jogging along Brighton beach on Sunday morning around 6am, or walking the dog, chances are you will bump into Horsham based photographer Greg Turner, collecting people through the medium of his camera, then featured in his project The Things You See on Brighton Beach at Sunrise on a Sunday.

I asked Greg why here and why this project?

“I love Brighton in particular for its diversity and liberal attitude. You can fit right in being the weird bloke who keeps asking people if he can take their picture! It needs very little explanation so it makes my type of photography more rewarding. My primary interest with photography is people. I’m interested in the psychological aspects of what makes a person who they are and how this is expressed externally through what we see. Almost all of my work includes a person in the frame somewhere.”

As someone who is himself out exceptionally early on a Sunday morning, I see the fascination in being out at the beginning of the day and running into people coming to the close of theirs. Greg agrees:

“The sun rises over Brighton beach around 5am during the spring and summer months. I am there for a Sunday morning but the revellers are still there for Saturday night. Along with the revellers you can find the die-hard swimmers tiptoeing down the shingle for their early morning swim entirely unaware of both the bitingly cold temperature of the water and the sprawling hedonism around them. And there are fisherman still rowing their boats and towing their nets.

“It is, truly, a wonderful place to be. There is a sense of collectivism and love and its hard to know if the groups of people sitting on the beach are formed on the basis of long held friendships or simply the result of being caught up in the moment, of the shared experience of simply being there as the sun rises.”

All of Greg’s images are shot between sunrise and around 9am in the morning. He intends to be down there for the nest part of a year, through the changing seasons, but the images he has taken are already uploaded onto his website and can be viewed at www.tearsinrain.co.uk

“I think the most significant insight I’ve had [during this project] is that given the right circumstances – a degree of uninhibited behaviour, the peacefulness of a moment, the calmness of the sea – large groups of people who largely don’t know each other and are probably quite different, can simply come together and ‘be’ in a group on the beach and the fact that they are strangers to each other does not matter. We are a naturally gregarious species, but we are also tribal and that’s a shame because the identification with ‘tribe’ means we tend to only move in the small, homogeneous groups. So I’ve also learned a lot by not being judgmental about people and being willing to approach people whose life experiences are probably vastly different to mine. That’s been hugely valuable to me.”

OPINION: Craig’s Thoughts – Be Brave, or I was born to be Queer

By Craig Hanlon-Smith (and Alan Spink) @craigscontinuum

As a  youngster, I assumed the day would come when I would know all there was to know about life, love and happiness. The reflecting, the neglecting, the mistaking, the breaking, the betting, the fretting, the yearning, the learning would all eventually subside, and after the maelstrom of tortured youth, I would be ready to set out upon the road of life with all that I had gathered packed neatly away, ready to assist me in my adult years.

Perhaps for some this is the case, but as my youth felt like a psychological disaster it took me until my late-30s to sit comfortably with the idea that the learning will never end. That I’ll continue to misjudge, although perhaps not as often, that I’ll make mistakes, although hopefully no longer critical, and that life is made up of all of those experiences, even the ones you do not wish to have. That with discomfort comes exhilaration and this will run and run until I no longer can. Know that, make peace with it, and then get on with all of it.

On July 29 this year, one week before Pride, I had the privilege of being an invitee to the Civil Partnership of Wayne and Alan. With a combined age of 132, and having only found one another within the year, my heart was already in romantic meltdown at the hope and wondrous possibility of it all, but this was not to be like other weddings.

As the dress code invited the prospective congregation to “drag yourself up or dress yourself down” this was one Mary who needed little encouragement and upon arrival at Brighton Town Hall, I don’t believe I’ve ever been part of a wedding party or congregation united in such diversity. Of course there was your standard wedding guest fare, suits and fascinators, but also elaborate head-gear, flamboyant shirts, skirts and multi-coloured flower garlands. T-shirts, jeans, trainers, boots and killer heels. In other words, wear what you want. Be yourself.

Wayne, who in all my previous dealings of 17 years had been so unassuming, stood central to it all in an elegant jacket and waistcoat that screamed ‘notice me and every one of my 72 years’. And then Alan arrived.

To say we were stunned would be to generalise a conservative response which would be inaccurate and unfair, but some were, some initially bemused, most and then all applauded as Alan emerged into the entrance hall dressed in white. And over the top of his white trousers and diamanté decorated shirt, a beaded ivory wedding dress. And in that moment, (and I mean this entirely positively and respectfully) I felt a complete infinity and togetherness with one so Queer. To be at will subversive, to be whatever you want, whenever you want and however you want. For him to claim in that moment, this is for me, for us, however we choose to do it and to hell with your historic convention. To colloquialise: “I’m ‘avin this”.

Following the ceremony, the entire party walked through the streets from the Town Hall to the reception on the outskirts of Kemptown. Cars tooted, shoppers stood and applauded, and diners in restaurants pressed their faces to the windows of Brighton’s array of eateries. What united our audience was the sheer look of joy and celebration on the faces of our onlookers. As this diverse band of the queer to the conservative through the colourful and creative, we inspired joy in others.

How simple I thought, to allow people to ‘come as you are’ and yet to dare to be different, to challenge convention seems such a challenge to us every day. People just don’t, and why not? Be brave. Be brave.

There’s so much more to say, but instead I’ll leave you with Alan’s speech from his and Wayne’s Civil Partnership ceremony.
“Some of you may have been shocked and some of you may have laughed or just wondered why I turned up the way I did today. The simplest answer is because I can. I’m allowed to. Our society says I can. Fifty years ago the law changed and what Wayne and I are doing changed from being impossible and a pathway to prison, to just impossible. 

For the first ten years of my life it was illegal to be gay. To admit it meant ridicule, shame and loss of family, friends and career. For the next 37 years it was not possible to have a legally recognised partnership. For another nine years marriage was not allowed. For the last three it has, but not in a mainstream church in England and Wales. So I can be the bride here, but not in church. So not fully equal yet then. 

I also did it because I owe it to so many people who are not here, that should be here, but were wiped out by a killer virus. I watched a lot of my friends die, and I mean dozens, and I was amazed at their bravery and all the time I felt like a coward. Some live in my head forever, helping me and telling me… be brave, be brave. So for them, I came here, in public as a bride on the way to my wedding, unashamed and proud. Proud to be who I am, to become as one with the man I chose, Wayne. To love him and look after him. 

For once, it’s a wedding of sorts, not a funeral where I get to talk about my friends and it’s a celebration not a commiseration. I could not be happier than I am right now, and I thank all of you for coming here to witness it.”

Carry On Up The Crown Prosecution Service

Or: Why, the next time it happens, I’m not sure I will bother the police, by Craig Hanlon-Smith

On the evening of May 13, 2016, my husband and I boarded a First Class train carriage to Manchester from London Euston. We heard the ladies before we saw them, as the group of three, aged between 35 and 55, rolled up the aisle laughing hysterically and demonstrating every gulp of wine they had clearly spent the afternoon mistaking for water and solids. As they settled at the table in front of us we were thankfully invisible to them, but they were giving the train crew a particularly hard time.

The train manager let it be known that he could have refused to allow them to travel based on their behaviour on the platform, whatever that was, but that they would not be served any alcohol on board. As the refreshment trolley arrived, and they were politely refused service of anything stronger than tea, pandemonium ensued.

You can but imagine the self-righteous indignation of Wilmslow’s drunken finest, as the carriage was repeatedly informed by the ringleader of the ladies (I shall refer to her as woman one), just how much money had been spent on First Class tickets which ‘entitled’ them to drink more wine. The train crew were politely and rightly having none of it, and as our leading lady began wafting her chiffon scarf in their faces and screeching as if to impersonate a steam train whistle, the Virgin West Coast staff asked for our help. “Please would you be witnesses to what is occurring here?” the manager apologised, and from the moment we kindly agreed, so it began.

As we wrote our names and contact details down for the train manager, woman one, invited herself to come and sit at our table and so ensued an onslaught of abuse which began with her suggesting that my husband’s wife was a slut. This was one of only two times I intervened to inform our intruder that the gentlemen did not to my knowledge have a wife as he was married to me. In the interest of moving the plot forward I shall spare you the grislies, but we had barely moved on to: “You’re both going to die soon because men your age kill themselves“ before woman one took advantage of the information I had graciously given her, and asked: “Were your parents proud of you when you told them you were gay?” In short this took the lid off one of the accompanying flock, whom I shall refer to as woman two, informed us that, “Your problem is you’re too fucking gay,” and in case we were hard of hearing repeated the latter part of this three times.

The train crew and manager were wonderful throughout, contacting the Virgin Communication Centre and then the police who, we were promised, would soon be boarding and the ladies off-loaded. The hostilities continued throughout the journey, phoning their friends and laughing hysterically, repeating: “We’re going to be arrested because some gay guys think we’re homophobic – we’re not homophobic” and the manager came and sat at our table, now called “a queer lover” and “gay wannabe” for his trouble. I’ve spared you the detail but their abuse and humiliation continued unabated for an hour and a half.

The police did eventually board in Crewe, 90 minutes into our experience, at which point whilst her companions became mute (woman three had remained pretty silent throughout to be fair), woman one threw herself to the floor, began kicking the doors and punching the floor (I’m not kidding) and began to wail at the injustice of it all, as she was “just trying to get home to her husband” and “I’m not letting happen to me what happened to those poor people in Hillsborough”. 

Were I myself not so upset by the abuse we had just tolerated for an hour and half, I might actually have offered her a cuddle at this point and asked: “You ok, hun?” but to be clear, as we had not engaged with these women at all during this abuse, we were not about to start now.

The police took us to another carriage, and we were pursued by two men we had not seen until now who offered their services to the police as witnesses. “What these men have been though for the whole journey has been terrible,” they informed the senior officer and he took their details promising they would be contacted in due course. We asked if the women would now be removed from the train. Alas, no. We were assured that now we were in the company of the officers we were safe, and although the Senior Officer apologised, he stated clearly that he did not have the resources to take these women to the station and to remove two officers from active duty to interview them. We were assured that the women, and we, would be interviewed the very next day.

The police escorted our aggressors off at their stop in Wilmslow and we were immediately heartened by the switch in atmosphere on the carriage. The witnesses shook our hands and strangers came forward to express some sympathy at our experience. One hotelier offered us a complimentary meal and drinks the following evening in central Manchester and the Virgin staff, who had been excellent throughout, took our details and later that week sent gifts to our home. The kindness of strangers quite possibly saved us, certainly me, from losing my marbles that evening.

We were indeed interviewed the next day. Two officers arrived at my brother’s house in Manchester, much to the excitement of the children, and the interviews lasted for almost three hours, separate officers, in different parts of the house, and we read and signed our statements all within 24 hours of the incident. What I remember about the interview now is being asked: “Do you consider this to have been a hate crime?“

I said, “No.” No, on account that we were dragged into an incident that was originally something completely else. Although our sexual orientation was used and abused as a point of fun, insult, intimidation and hostility, I felt their insults were lazy and opportunistic, not from a point of hate. It was their overall behaviour that was upsetting. Self-righteous, indignant, drunk, aggressive, abusive, intimidating, hostile, unrelenting and sustained. Utterly anti-social. For at least 90 minutes, despite our calm and unresponsive exterior, we were humiliated, and in that moment I, for one, felt 13, friendless and embarrassed to be myself in the school canteen, in a small town Lancashire in 1985.

Aside from a wobble on the return journey two days later, when I felt overwhelmingly anxious, we didn’t give the experience much thought, until almost two months later, I was contacted by a CID officer who informed me the case had been passed to him and he would be visiting the alleged offenders within the week. I asked after the investigation and how had the women responded when first interviewed. DC Henderson informed me that this case had moved from desk to desk and that the women had as yet never been interviewed. In short, the only people to have been interviewed within 24 hours of the incident were my husband and myself, no other interviews had at this time taken place. The officer assured me that now the case was his, it would now progress and gather some speed.

To his credit, I received a number of calls from DC Henderson over the coming days to keep me up to date with how the interviews were progressing. The most interesting of which was an offer to us both from woman one.

“The lady in question,” the officer began, “would like me to put to you, that in order to make amends, she is happy to meet you both in London, money is no object and she will take you to a restaurant of your choosing.” 

At this point, we had thought that any investigation into these women would be on account of all their behaviour, including their hostility towards the train crew and so after consulting my husband, I politely informed DC Henderson that we would not be taking up the offer, as we did not want to make such a decision on behalf of the others involved, nor did we wish to step naked into the viper’s nest.

And then it came: “She’s not your average homophobe, sir.” 

“Oh?” 

“Not at all, she lives in a £1.4million property in a gated complex in Cheshire.” 

Goodbye, officer.

Another three months passed and the police arrived at our house in Brighton, some 250 miles from the incident and original investigation. The officers undertook additional interviews they now referred to as Victim Impact Statements, and informed us the Crown Prosecution Service (CPS) were proceeding with a prosecution of woman one and woman two. An initial Magistrates court date was set for late December and the police stated that as there were four witness statements, the evidence all matched up, they were likely to plead guilty and that would be the end of that.

In January we receive a court summons. The defendants had pleaded not guilty at their earlier hearing and the Magistrates court trial date is set for mid-March, in Staffordshire, some 10 months after the incident. We agree to attend, but do not want to go. We become irritable with one another in the run up to the date, there is even one full-blown ‘proper’ argument I think borne out of frustration, embarrassment, and all those feelings of being the stupid skinny 13-year-old gay boy shouted at in the playground. The whole episode feels grubby, upsetting and unnecessary, after all, all we did was get on a train and agree to help the beleaguered crew in the face of these drunken women.

As we sit in the witness waiting room, it feels uneasy but strangely comforting to be reunited with people who helped us on that night. The train manager, John, arrives with his manager who has attended to support him, small acts of kindness that remind me of the good in the world. We begin discussing the events of 10 months ago and John informs us, “When the police contacted me to make a statement, I had forgotten all about it, it was more than three months after the fact.” 

We are stunned. Three months? How can a witness be expected to recount accurately events that took place three months prior?

The prosecutor enters and informs us that our statements cannot be located. He asks if we have seen and read them recently, and we inform him not since the day we signed them ten months earlier, no. He bumbles off appearing confused, harassed and his dishevelled appearance leaves me with little confidence that he is the man for any job, let alone this one. We hear the names of the defendants called out over the tannoy system, it’s game on. I pull my socks up, breathe deeply, and smile weakly at my husband in the vain hope he will not appreciate how sick I am now feeling.

The prosecutor returns, now sweating, and states: “You’ve heard what’s happened?” I have no idea where he thinks we’re accessing our court information when we have spent the past 90 minutes in a waiting room with witnesses to cases of domestic violence, pub brawls and bicycle theft.

We are informed in somewhat rushed and hurried tones that, in short, the administrators working for the CPS, had completed the paperwork for woman one, the main culprit, in the shenanigans on the train, incorrectly. This paperwork had been sent back and forth between the courts, the CPS and the defendant’s solicitor in what can only be described as thinly veiled delaying tactics, and by the time we all arrive at trial the case against her has ‘timed out’. It is now withdrawn by the magistrates and she’s off. All for a simple administrative bungle and a delay in the time it took, woman one will never have to account for her behaviour that night ever again. The prosecutor goes on to say that case against woman two, an also ran, who sporadically ‘joined in’ with the tirade of the main accused has been adjourned and will be heard at a later date, we will need to return in a few months time.

The lid of decorum I have unnaturally maintained at the instruction and advice of everyone around me, except myself, now blows off: “But she’s the case! Without her, there is no case for anyone to answer!” I shout at the prosecutor who feebly puts his hands up like a saloon barman in an all but forgotten shoddy western and says, “I’m just the messenger”.

I feel my husband’s touch upon my elbow, which after 17 years, I have come to understand means pull it back love, and we leave.

I spend the next few days trying to make sense of what has happened and our witness liaison administrator, Loretta Ray, tries to be as helpful as possible. She explains that, although the charge against woman one was clear in the detail of the court papers, the technicality of law states that court documentation must be completed accurately, and it has to be written into a specific box on the form. It was not, and as a result, the form was sent back to be corrected.

However, Loretta was off sick with a bad leg for four weeks and no one opened her post – are you keeping up? Upon returning to work, it was already too late. The CPS did not believe the technicality of law would matter to any great extent and so pursued the case anyway until it was thrown out of court. And as I reread this, I am reminded of the plot of many a Carry On film, the later ones, that were not funny.

I explain to a not nearly bewildered enough Loretta, that the delays by the police in interviewing the accused, then in interviewing other witnesses, then the lack of attention to detail in the administration of this case leads me to feel that it simply did not matter enough. A couple of queens take some verbal stick on the train, nobody died, no one was physically hurt and it is just not a priority. I am transferred to Loretta’s supervisor and repeat my feelings and am told: “It’s not like that,” and “Of course this was taken seriously.”

Some months later, and to our total surprise, the case against woman two comes back to court. Whilst I appreciate that the lady in question did play her part, and did hurl some unpleasantries in our direction, and despite my complete lack of legal credentials, I cannot see it sticking, but the CPS insist and she is charged with a range of verbal related ‘assaults’ with the ‘intent to cause distress’. And so back to the Premier Inn at Cannock for a second court appearance for an event which now took place some 13 months prior.

Let us not dwell too much on the continuing incompetence of those employed by the CPS. In brief, I received an email confirming train tickets booked for a Sunday, when they were in fact booked for the Monday. We did not receive any court notifications or paperwork, when previously we had received reams of it. This was then hastily emailed less than a week before, and clearly identified a 2pm afternoon court session. At 9.35am on the day of the appearance, I receive a phone call from the prosecutor asking where I am as I was expected at court no later than 9.15am. There is, of course, an error on the paperwork and the court session is set to begin at 10am. As all witnesses were invited to attend a court appearance at 2pm, none of the others are able to be there in time for the hearing and arrive much later in the day, once the magistrates have already decided not to waste any more time, and simply read through their statements, not question their authors in person.

I give evidence for close to 90 minutes. The prosecutor (a different one) is quite impressive this time around and asks me to describe several times how the incident had made me feel. The defence lawyer is sympathetic to the experience we had endured, but I can see how this is going to go. His focus is regarding the actions of woman one, who is not present, and suggests that my story is exaggerated to suit my purpose and it is my word against his client’s. He points out to me and to the court, who can in truth decide whether my version of events or his client’s is the correct memory of the incident?

I don’t hold back. “You tell me,” I say, “whether a statement taken within 24 hours of the incident is more or less accurate than one taken two months later,” and although the clerk to the court suggests I may wish to sit in the session for the rest of the day, I politely decline and go home. I am done with it.

A week later, I receive a phone call from Loretta at the CPS witness care division, to inform me that woman two was found ‘not guilty’, and I am, alarmingly to myself, incredibly upset. Not at the verdict, I expected it, I did not believe there was a case against woman two, not on her own, but upset at the whole sorry process.

The incident itself made me feel like a stupid and unattractive gay teenager who would never amount to much, and it was alarming to me how despite when 30 years later you have a great husband, terrific friends, you are secure, content, loved, liked, busy, wanted, and yet all of that teenage horror springs into action in a moment, the anxiety returns and hovers like a threatening thundercloud for months.

More so, the disregard for all of that human sensitivity in how this process was poorly managed by the police and the CPS. For the women not to be dealt with in the moment because the resource is not available, for the accused then not to be interviewed for two months as the case is passed “from desk to desk”. For the witnesses not to be interviewed for three months the reasons for which are unknown; for the total incompetence in completing legal paperwork incorrectly which enables the main horrid culprit to walk away unscathed, and leave woman two crying in the spotlight she should quite possibly never have been in the first place. And for all this to have happened, because we boarded a train, as so many of us do every day, and were asked to help a fellow human being who was taking stick whilst trying to do their job.

The most recent court appearance was, at the time of writing, less than two weeks ago and the verdict delivered to my doormat only a few days ago. The events of the past 13 months may therefore be too close to call, but I have to ask myself the following questions. Faced with the same set of circumstances again, would I put my trust in authority and the ‘right way of doing things’?

When asked to help a staff member in trouble, should my response now be: “Nah mate – you’re on your own, I’m not getting involved”? Who would blame me? Should I have accepted the invitation for a slap up meal swilled down to certain gout with litres of champagne? After all, our friend escaped justice anyway, why not at least see her openly buying her way out of it and get drunk on the proceeds?

We should all fear the cuts to public services, when as a result the aggressive anti-socialites will just be sent home to snuggle up with a hot water bottle. Any suggestion in this part of the world that LGBT+ liaison officers are not needed nor part of future budget plans should be openly and publicly resisted, these officers are there to help us, and without them? Well, see above. And should there be a next time, would I sit quietly with polite decorum in the face of a sustained, horrible and public tirade of abuse and let the justice system run its course? Well that remains to be seen.

I used to be angry with those who were victims of such incidents, and did not report it to the police. “You have a duty, to all of us,” I would say. Now, I understand them more.

@craigscontinuum

OPINION: Craig’s Thoughts 

Shopping for Pride. Or which vodka will make me gay? By Craig Hanlon-Smith @craigscontinuum

“Isn’t it great that Pride feels like a national celebration now?”, my husband exclaims as we wander around London for some last minute holiday shopping. And as I look around at every other shop, wall, skyward banner and lamppost, adorned with some manifestation of the rainbow, I cannot help but agree. In the 22 years that I’ve been attending Pride events, the integration of these into our national psyche is nothing short of terrific and the importance of this not to be underestimated. The first Pride marches I attended in London during the mid-late 1990s, although massive, were routed away from the main shopping areas and with the park/party/rally events in the green open spaces of Finsbury, Brockwell and Victoria Parks, not to forget Clapham Common, visitors to London could happily wander around the city’s main tourist centres and not experience so much of a hint of it. Pride happened, but around the edges.

Not so now. The London march and parade closes both Oxford and Regent Street to traffic, the ‘party’ element has now been a mainstay of Trafalgar Square for several years, and Pride in London adorns the shops, buses, underground stations and even high-street fashion choices. Our own event in Brighton is a massive boost for the annual local economy with guest houses booked out months in advance, and with the parade marching through the centre of town and street party closing a significant part of the seafront for two days, you cannot visit and miss it.

But all is not well in Pride land. Peter Tatchell writing in The Guardian this week, pulled no punches in highlighting what he described as draconian rules and regulations which in effect inhibit London’s Pride celebrations at the behest of commercial profit. Pride in London has to limit the number of participants in the parade at the behest of the mayor’s office, and whilst there is a smattering of human rights groups marching, the parade is overrun with representatives ranging from supermarket chains to international airlines. The Royal Parks will not permit Pride celebrations on their land, and there is a tight limit on the numbers allowed in the Trafalgar Square event. Tatchell directly challenges the mayor’s claims of over a million attendees and puts the figure at a more conservative 250k. When these figures are compared with those in Madrid and Sao Paolo to name but two, it would appear that Pride in London is less party and more poop. There are now similar limits on those attending Brighton Pride, and for both London and Brighton, applications months in advance and fees payable for a spot in the parade.

Peter Tatchell speaks highly of the Pride organisations themselves describing their positions as almost being held to ransom by city councils. But Pride groups have also this year come under some scrutiny. Pride in London had to withdraw a seemingly expensive poster marketing campaign following accusations of straight bias and the marginalisation of the very community it was trying to support. Pride in London apologised unreservedly and issued a statement confirming the campaign to have been a misjudgement.

I am less than over the moon with the current Pride-friendly Hate Sucks campaign. Sucks being a derivative of c**k-sucker seen most notably in the late 1970s Disco Sucks campaign, when there were mass burnings of disco records at football stadiums across America with homophobic overtones. When raising this online, I’ve been accused of oversensitivity, political correctness and ‘attacking Pride’. To be straight with you (rolls eyes), I’m not angry or offended by these campaigns, but I do think they have not been adequately researched or thought through. And it’s the lack of thought that I find a little disappointing.

It’s important to remember that the original Pride marches were demonstrations, an emerging fight for equality and a direct reaction to police brutality against the LGBT community in the late 1960s and beyond. I would welcome a historical reflection to this essential aspect of our past in our Pride parades, but Pride is also now much bigger than that. Pride in both London and Brighton now host a range of events in the two weeks up to the weekend festivals referred to as ‘Pride’. How many weekend revellers were aware that the Royal National Theatre were hosting a range of seminal play readings in the first week of July, including Martin Sherman’s Bent, which examines the treatment of gay men in Nazi concentration camps? The thinking man’s Pride is out there if you can be bothered to look for it.

Craig Hanlon-Smith
Craig Hanlon-Smith

There is also, I believe, much to celebrate in the commercialisation of Pride. If international businesses or high street stores want to sponsor LGBT Pride events, of course it’s for commercial gain, but is that not progressive? I’m only 45 and I remember all too well when gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender branding was considered toxic, and no commercial organisation with any business sense would come anywhere near us. I love to hear stories of people refusing to buy rainbow covered vodka bottles or McDonald’s fries served in a Pride carton, those organisations are saying to those individuals it is you who needs to change your mind. Supermarkets marching through Pride are promoting themselves of course, but they’re also showing off and celebrating their LGBT staff networks and encouraging members of our community to consider working for an organisation that allows us to be ourselves.

Pride is not what it was, and I am in many ways pleased it doesn’t need to be. Don’t get me wrong, I love a good march and can often be heard ranting political manifestos in my sleep, but I cannot to any reasonable extent put into words the Pride I feel when every day I can hold my husband’s hand and kiss in the street, hug my friends tightly and possibly for slightly longer than is comfortable for some, in public, be visibly homosexual across a range of online platforms, and stand on an escalator which will take me to one of the busiest commercial centres in the world and see that it is in every direction adorned with rainbows that celebrate me.

Every petition, every demonstration, every step towards acceptance over the past 50 years has brought us here. It is now our duty to make sure that we don’t f**k it up.

@craigscontinuum

FEATURE: A sight for sore eyes

Is our use of poppers impacting our ability to see the wood for the trees? By Craig Hanlon-Smith

My own introduction to poppers back in 1993 was of a completely non-sexual nature. I arrived at a late night (straight) party in the back streets of deepest south London, to find a packed living room containing a deep shag-pile rug, behind which a gas fire was blazing. Periodically, the hosts would pour amyl nitrate or whatever the blazes was in the inch high bottle, onto the carpet. Wholly stupid fire risk aside, we all buzzed happily along for hours.

A couple of years later; the tube trip back into Soho from London’s Gay Pride event at Victoria Park, and cut to a carriage rammed with gay-men singing ABBA songs at the tops of our voices, passing round a handful of small brown bottles to dozens of homos we had never set eyes on before and would possibly never see again. “Does your mother know that you’re ‘out’?” we screamed in between the sniffs and bouts of hysterical raucous laughter. We barely noticed the handful of Japanese and American tourists who looked on aghast, clutching their children close to their bosoms in the firm belief that they had all died and gone to hell.

Fun times then, and yet, in the remembering I’m cringing somewhat and mightily thrilled that both smart phones and social media were still some 20 years away. I was taking poppers from strangers on the dance floor for years before I graduated onto their frequent use as a sexual relaxant, in the assumption that they were completely harmless and after all, they’re fun right?

For years, urban myths surrounded poppers use, particularly in relation to how many brain cells they were killing compared to alcohol, but in recent months a wholly more sinister health problem connected to the use of poppers is emerging. “I didn’t make the connection at first,” David, local and regular on the scene, tells me. “I just woke up one day and couldn’t see clearly. It was like there were patches of water on my eye, or as if I’d just stared into sunlight – you know that distortion you get immediately after, only it didn’t go away.”

David presented immediately at the accident emergency department at the Royal Sussex County Hospital, but doctors were baffled. Over several weeks his eyes appeared to get better until six months later it happened again, only much more severely. “This time I went to the optician who referred me immediately to the specialist although I had begun to make connections between the problem and poppers use myself by then.” 

David’s own connection of his vision difficulties and poppers was confirmed by the specialist who made it clear this was not the first case he had seen.

Robert Purbrick
Robert Purbrick

I spoke to Robert Purbrick, Consultant Ophthalmologist at the Royal Sussex County Hospital, and asked if the issue concerned actually getting poppers into the eye (we’ve all been there right?). “No! This issue is not a direct effect of the poppers, so closing your eyes when sniffing the bottle won’t help either. It’s chemical, so I would expect these changes [to vision] if the poppers were injected for example.” 

Poppers, which are used as a relaxant, specifically, although not exclusively, by gay men for use in anal sex, operate by expanding blood vessels, which in turn lessen involuntary muscle movement or spasms. They also bring about a temporary high in the form of light-headedness and giddiness, which is why they’re sometimes used in a non-sexual context, such as club dance floors.

In 2006, a common ingredient, isobutyl nitrite, was classified as a cancer-causing agent and banned in the UK and France. It remains in use in much of mainland Europe and the chemical composition of poppers in many countries remains unchanged, but not here. The replacement chemical, isopropyl nitrite, is what is now thought to damage the fovea, the part of the retina responsible for central vision. The issue is known as ‘Poppers Maculopathy’.

I asked Robert Purbrick if the problem is widespread in the Brighton & Hove area. “I have nine cases on my personal database. We’re planning a study to try to assess the prevalence of Poppers Maculopathy in the local population, examining clinical signs, which could be present in the absence of symptoms. Poppers use is very high in the UK amongst the population of men who have sex with men so we’d expect to pick up quite a lot.” 

A little light research indicates this issue has been knocking around for a few years with initial reports as far back as 2010 and the first recorded UK case in Sidcup in 2012.

Martin McKibbin
Martin McKibbin

Martin McKibbin, Consultant Ophthalmologist in Leeds, has reported that within the past 12 months, a small group of patients in Leeds, Manchester and North Wales who have used poppers have experienced fluctuating vision and that whilst in some patients vision has recovered to normal when they stop using poppers, in others it has not. McKibbin is clear: “Visual problems have been observed with both one-off and chronic use. Some patients have experienced damaged vision after just one dose.”

A recent report in The British Journal Of Ophthalmology suggests that poppers use may cause serious and permanent eye damage. Lead researcher, Dr Rebecca Rewbury, stated; “The mounting body of evidence [suggests] that poppers can have serious effects on central vision. Users and health care professionals may be unaware of the risk.” 

This study followed 12 men who presented with blurriness or blind spots in their vision within hours or days of poppers use. Researchers examining the chemical makeup of the brands that the men used found they all contained the post-2006 ingredient isopropyl nitrite.

In 2015, poppers were included on a list of so-called legal highs debated in Parliament prior to the introduction of a wider ban, which included synthetic cannabis and nitrous oxide as part of the Psychoactive Substances Bill. Conservative MP, Crispin Blunt, outed himself as a poppers user in the debate with much media coverage and poppers were eventually left off the list.

I asked Robert Purbrick if with hindsight he thought that leaving poppers off the ban was wise, and whilst he wouldn’t be drawn on the question directly, he told me: “There is plenty of evidence of harm from poppers in the form of poppers maculopathy.” Some of which was available prior to the debate in 2015. “I think an erroneous label of safety could be applied to poppers through their omission from this list.”

I ask him, considering the wide use of poppers amongst the gay community, what advice he has for anyone using poppers either during sex or other recreational activities. His message is clear: “It’s not advisable. And certainly in the context of any visual symptoms then they should stop use immediately and either visit an optician or attend Eye Casualty at Sussex Eye Hospital. A macular OCT scan (optical coherence tomography) is necessary for diagnosis.”

And whilst our local friend David’s vision is much improved, he remains concerned. As our conversation ends he says to me: “This issue is totally under the radar and nobody is talking about it.”

Some names have been changed at the request of those interviewed. @craigscontinuum

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