A Green Group motion calling for all empty council buildings to be made available for use as homeless shelters was unanimously supported at a meeting of Brighton and Hove full Council last week.
Cllr David Gibson
The proposals will give voluntary and community sector groups that are ‘able and willing’ access to currently vacant Council buildings and the support to turn them into temporary homeless shelters.
The motion also asks for specific guidance and support to be given to participating groups on the necessary legal, health and safety requirements of managing the buildings. Local homelessness charities have reported difficulty in providing the amount of shelter needed to support the city’s growing homelessness problem, with large waiting lists for hostels and shelter beds.
Councillors Tom Druitt and David Gibson, who proposed the motion, appealed for the Council to “use all available resources” and “show some humanity” as numbers of homeless people rise and temperatures drop to below freezing.
Latest figures reveal that Brighton and Hove has the highest number of rough sleepers outside of London, with more than 144 people on the streets, an increase of almost double on the previous year.
Pressure has been building for more to be done about homelessness in the city, with a petition started by local resident John Hadman on the issue receiving almost 4,000 signatures.
Cllr Tom Druitt
Homeless men and women gathered outside Hove Town Hall on the afternoon of Thursday, January 26 to support the motion and shared their stories of living on the streets.
Councillor Tom Druitt, said: “I have already been contacted by voluntary and community organisations who are willing to help and who can give excellent advice on how to ensure this initiative is safely and effectively implemented. I’m so glad that our proposal was supported by all councillors and I hope we can get on with the job quickly and give shelter where it’s needed.
“Now is not the time to say it is ‘too difficult’ to provide more help to people on the streets, or that we ‘don’t have the right insurance’; we know the Council has very little money, but we do have other resources that we can make available for use. I’m calling on residents and businesses to get involved too; these shelters will need money and volunteers if they are to work and it would be wonderful if we could extend the scheme to empty shops and business premises too.”
Councillor David Gibson, the Green spokesperson for Housing, said across the country a lack of proper affordable housing and escalating rents were causing a crisis of homelessness nationwide.
He said:“Support and services that prevent homelessness are being cut. There is simply not enough social housing or temporary accommodation. Welfare benefit changes and the rising cost of rent, as well as the lack of living wage rents are driving many people into poverty in the private rented sector. A change in circumstances such as falling out of work, a broken relationship, domestic abuse, or eviction can easily see someone faced with the prospect of sleeping rough.
“The people of the city – with almost 4000 signatures to a petition – have said we must try to do something about homelessness. We can’t only rely on strategies – we must harness the energies of the voluntary sector, the churches and people in the city to avoid this totally unacceptable situation.”
Local housing and homeless charities and activists have backed the campaign. The news follows similar schemes launched in Bristol and Manchester.
The motion will now be put to the Council’s Policy, Resources and Growth Committee to commission a report on how to enact the new policy.
Apollo Theatre Company bring radio classic to the stage for 50th anniversary.
Celebrating the ground breaking radio comedy series of the 1960s, Apollo Theatre Company recreate the original recordings from the BBC’s Paris Studios to mark fifty years of enduring laughter.
The production toured the country during 2015 and 2016 and is back now with brand new material for 2017, coming to Theatre Royal Brighton on Tuesday, February 21.
With the eponymous Kenneth Horne at the helm and the stellar supporting cast of Kenneth Williams, Hugh Paddick and Betty Marsden, Round the Horne burst onto the comedy scene in 1965. With its infamous movie spoofs and hilarious regular characters such as Rambling Sid Rumpo, Charles and Fiona, J. Peasemold Gruntfuttock, and Julian and Sandy, it was one of the biggest radio programmes of its time, regularly garnering audiences of up to 15 million each week.
Known for its risqué double entendres and rude sounding made up words, Round the Horne was unlike anything that had gone before it, frequently testing the bounds of acceptability and decency.
The show is perhaps best remembered for the characters of Julian and Sandy and their use of the hitherto little known camp slang, polari, which enabled the characters to say things that would otherwise have been completely unacceptable at the time. In doing so Round the Horne broke boundaries by creating two openly homosexual characters, played by two homosexual actors, two years before homosexuality was decriminalised in Great Britain.
Director Tim Astley has compiled the script for the production using only material from the original broadcasts, with the full blessing and support of the original writers’ estates.
On why he wanted to mount this production, Tim explains:“As someone who has been a fan of Round the Horne since I was about 12 years old, I thought it was only right that its 50th anniversary be celebrated, and what better way to do that than to be able to transport fans back to the original recordings and recreate the anarchic atmosphere that made the programme such fun to listen to.
“First and foremost I am a fan, and I am approaching this project with the ethos of being as faithful to the originals as we can. We are lucky enough to be working with the original scripts and will be recreating them as accurately as possible so that every member of our audience, no matter how much they know about Round the Horne to begin with, leaves feeling that they have been transported back to the Paris Studio in 1965 and experienced first hand those joyful recordings.”
Still broadcast to this day on BBC Radio 4 Extra, Round the Horne has endured tremendously over its fifty years and is still as funny today as it was then. Not only will this production thoroughly entertain those who have loved this comedy series from day one but hopefully also make new enthusiasts of the uninitiated.
Event:Round the Horne
Where: Theatre Royal, New Road, Brighton
When: Tuesday, February 21
Time: 7.30pm
Tickets: £18.90 – £30.40 plus £2.85 transaction fee
10,000 people have now signed a petition asking the Government to take action to save local HIV charity, The Sussex Beacon.
The charity faces the prospect of closing services, including its ten bed inpatient unit, following a reduction in the funding it receives from the NHS.
The Sussex Beacon provides specialist support and care for people living with HIV through both inpatient and outpatient services. It helps hundreds of people living with HIV in Sussex each year and was rated ‘outstanding’ by the Care Quality Commission in September.
Changes to local commissioning arrangements have led to a reduction in statutory funding. The Sussex Beacon has already lost some funding and further cuts seem likely in the future. The charity costs over £2 million a year to run and cannot continue to absorb the budget cuts.
The petition is targeted at the Secretary of State for Health, Jeremy Hunt, and NHS England. Now it has reached 10,000 signatures, staff are working with supportive local MPs to ensure it makes an impact in parliament, raising awareness of the charity’s position and highlighting the level of public support.
Simon Dowe, Chief Executive of The Sussex Beacon, said:“Since we announced that these funding cuts are threatening our services, we’ve had an outpouring of support, which we’re incredibly grateful for. Service users, colleagues in the health and HIV sectors, MPs and local people have given us their backing as we try to find a way to keep our services open.
He continued:“We’re delighted to hit 10,000 signatures on the petition as we feel it demonstrates to Commissioners and the Department of Health how valued we are. If we are forced to close services, not only will it have an impact on some of the most vulnerable people with HIV locally, it will also put significant additional pressure on both health and social care services in Sussex as they try to fill the gap. We’re doing all we can to avoid closing services, while also supporting our service users and staff at this difficult time.”
Charity management and trustees continue to explore a variety of options to try to secure funding. Conversations with local and NHS England Commissioners are ongoing and other options are also being explored including approaching non NHS funding and grant giving bodies. The charity may be redesigned, or may work in partnership with other local organisations in order to continue helping people with HIV.
To find the petition to Save the Sussex Beacon go to www.38degrees.org.uk and type in ‘Sussex Beacon’.
A fundraiser celebrating 25 years of the work of the Sussex Beacon is the curtain raiser to LGBT+ History Month in February.
Celebration! will be the first show staged in the Phil Starr Pavilion on New Steine Gardens and is organised by the Brighton & Hove LGBT+ Community Safety Forum.
Artists donating their services free of charge include Myra Dubois, Lorraine Bowen, Miss Jason, Dave Lynn, Davina Sparkle, Maisie Trollette, Kara Van Park, Sally Vate and dancers from the Brighton Academy choreographed by Emma Green. The show is directed and staged by Carole Todd and every penny of ticket money will go to the Sussex Beacon.
Tickets priced £18/£15 concs are available from Prowler, Nice ‘n’ Naughty and the Sussex Beacon Charity Shop in St James Street.
When chips are down…Brighton business gives rough sleepers a helping hand as winter draws in
♦ Fledgling Brighton business offers free chips, hot water and warm words of comfort to support those sleeping rough on the streets.
♦ Owners pledge to do more – even offering potential employment to rough sleepers as an avenue back into work.
♦ Local politician praises the work for “making things better for the local community”.
A Brighton business has been praised by a leading city politician for giving rough sleepers a helping hand this winter.
BeFries has been serving its unique mix of Belgian frites and homemade dips from their base at the top of West Street since August.
But, with temperatures plummeting to below freezing in recent weeks, those who run the independent business have been doing their bit for the rough sleeping community.
Staff have been taking out hot chips and offering some warm words to those forced to spend the nights in the streets. They also provide hot water to local charities who distribute tea and other hot drinks to those in need.
Dashal Beevers, who founded the business with his brother Chan, said:“Being an independent business in the heart of the city which is open seven days a week we have seen first hand the growing number of people who are forced to sleep rough on the city’s streets.
“We’ve got to know many of those who regularly spend time on West Street. With overnight temperatures now regularly dropping below freezing, the least we can do is offer some hot food and a five-minute chat.
“Just that small thing you can tell makes all the difference.”
According to government figures released this week, Brighton and Hove has the second highest number of rough sleepers in the country.
A snapshot survey conducted by the government in autumn 2016 recorded 144 people bedding down on the city’s streets, an increase of 85 per cent on 2015. A large number of these rough sleepers are in the West Street area where BeFries is based.
Before opening in August, Dashal and Chan discussed ways in which they could support local charities.
During test fry runs, the pair gave portions of cooked potatoes to the Clock Tower Sanctuary, which supports young homeless people in Brighton and Hove.
Once trading, Dashal wanted to establish a regular link so that some of the unsold produce was gifted to local groups for them to distribute among vulnerable people in the city. But after receiving no positive responses, he took matters into his own hands.
Dashal spoke about the issues with councillor Emma Daniel, chairman of Brighton and Hove City Council’s neighbourhoods, communities and equalities committee, during a visit to the shop this week.
Dashal said:“We would like to extend our reach if we can. It’s hard being a new business to do that as we are limited with time. But we would like to find a charity we can work with who we can provide food to and then they distribute it to those in need.
“Moving forward we would like to extend that by working with an organisation who can help us offer some of those who have fallen on hard times an avenue back into employment by working in our kitchens.”
Cllr Emma Daniel
Cllr Daniel said:“It was fantastic to meet Dash and Chan who are full of ideas not only to improve their business but to make things better for the city as a whole.
“I think the perception is that businesses, especially small businesses, are not interested in social responsibility.
“But BeFries has shown that is not true. They are proving it is possible for even independent start-ups to connect and make a difference in their local community.”
BeFries is open Sunday to Thursday noon to 8pm and Friday and Saturday noon to midnight, and you will find them at 43 West Street, Brighton.
We’ll work with you – but we won’t wait for you, LGBT+ groups tell House of Bishops.
Groups working for the full inclusion of LGBT+ people in the Church of England have responded to Friday’s statement by the House of Bishops, by promising support for those who want to change – but saying that they can no longer wait for those who don’t, and that their members and supporters will begin the work of making change happen at the grassroots.
In an open letter to the bishops, the Lesbian and Gay Christian Movement (LGCM) expressed its sense of ‘betrayal’ at the outcome of the three-year Shared Conversations, a process which, it said, “almost entirely failed to hear the cries of faithful Anglican LGBT+ people’’.
LGCM rejected the Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell approach proposed by the Bishops, as further damaging LGBT+ people by forcing them to conceal their identities and relationships. It urges its Anglican members to remain in communion with the Church, but LGCM will embark upon a range of initiatives with those who want to make change.
Tracey Byrne
Tracey Byrne, Chief Executive of LGCM, said:“To echo Una Kroll’s words, we asked for bread and we’ve been given stones. LGBT+ people have participated in this process in good faith, at considerable personal cost, and now feel unheard and dismissed. Other churches in England have made much more significant progress in recent years in including LGBT+ people. Despite us knowing that many individual bishops favour a move towards a more gracious, compassionate and inclusive church, collectively they’ve failed to deliver. This is another missed opportunity which further undermines the mission of the established church to convey the gospel promise of good news for everyone.”
Jeremy Pemberton, Chair of LGCM, added:“The waiting is over. What we’re saying now to the bishops is that LGBT+ Christians are here, are part of the church, and are happy to work with those who want change. But LGCM can no longer wait for episcopal leadership. The Spirit is moving in God’s faithful people and we’re seeking to be obedient to that movement. It’s a very exciting time.”
Ruth Hunt
Ruth Hunt, Stonewall’s CEO, said:“We’re disappointed by today’s news that the Church of England still won’t recognise same-sex couples in marriage, or offer its blessing to their relationships.
“LGBT people of faith need to be respected and included in their faith communities, just as they need respect and acceptance in wider society.
“But, there is some encouraging news from today’s response from the House of Bishops. The recommendation for new guidance on same-sex relationships is a positive sign of hope ahead.
“We’re also pleased that the Bishops recognise that it’s time for the Church to adopt a ‘fresh’ approach to how lesbian, gay and bi people are treated.
“We know this will also be very welcome news to LGBT Christians, alongside the recognition in the response that the Church needs to follow Christian teachings on this issue, specifically that ‘we should love one another as ourselves.
“This is an opportunity for the Church to work closely with LGBT communities to get this next stage right, and we, alongside many others, including faith leaders who support LGBT equality, will be watching this closely.
“We’ll continue to stand by the side of LGBT people of all faiths, and we’ll continue to work with faith communities and faith schools to help them support LGBT people.”
Open letter to the Bishops of the Church of England from the Board of the Lesbian and Gay Christian Movement
Dear brothers and sisters,
A Response to the House of Bishops’ Report to General Synod following the Shared Conversations
When the Pilling report came out you proposed a method, the Shared Conversations, that held the hope of finding a way forward in the Church of England in the controversial area of sexuality by encouraging good disagreement. We understood that to mean that members of the church were not to expect to see any one perspective dominate, but for them all to acknowledge their part in the Body of Christ, reflecting the relationship in him that they share, whatever their views of human sexuality. They were asked to participate in the process of Shared Conversations in a spirit of Christian openness and trust.
LGBTI+ Anglicans gladly did so, but for those who did so there was a high personal cost of putting themselves and their relationships on the line for public discussion and comment once again, as if to legitimise them. For some that was too much to contemplate. Others committed to the process, in the hope that this would lead, at last, to LGBTI+ people being given some real space in the corporate life of the Church of England. We all looked for an acknowledgement of the potential for holiness and growth in grace that many of us have found, not despite, but through embracing our God-given sexuality and the relationships into which we are convinced God has led us.
When the Conversations came to an end you told the church that you wished to give episcopal leadership to shaping what came next. You announced the timetable, but also made it clear that you were not at that stage inviting representations. You asked your people to trust you. As an ecumenical organisation with many Church of England members, we responded by acceding to that request, as we have all through this process.
It is now clear that the process has almost entirely failed to hear the cries of faithful LGBTI+ people. You are proposing to formalise Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell among clergy in same-sex relationships. This essentially asks clergy to dissemble and keep the nature of their relationships hidden – far from equalising the situation between straight and gay clergy it pushes LGBTI+ clergy back into the closet. Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell diminishes everyone’s integrity: where it was used in wider society it was eventually discarded and discredited. Why are you introducing this now?
You write in your report about the need establish “across the Church of England a fresh tone and culture of welcome and support for lesbian and gay people”. You say also that your responsibility is to clarify the issues at stake not find solutions. The issues at stake are principally the lives of these lesbian and gay people. You tell us that the bishops are not going to change an iota of the current teaching of the Church of England. If that is the case, then changes of tone will do nothing to improve the second-class position of the LGBTI+ faithful. Their relationships will be merely tolerated or judged wanting, and LGBTI+ clergy will be vulnerable if their relationships become known.
You have done nothing to acknowledge the goodness or sanctity of the relationships of LGBTI+ people, lay and clerical. Anglican LGBTI+ people are still labouring under the Higton motion and Issues in Human Sexuality as the last word on this matter. You could have made clear that issues of sexuality are not first order theological issues and that same-sex relationships, which the Archbishop described as sometimes being of “stunning quality”, could be a means of grace to those in them. You have done nothing. There is a failure of leadership and theological insight in the Church of England.
This outcome is an almost complete betrayal of the trust that has been placed in you by faithful disciples of Christ. There is no space for good disagreement. The old lines of dishonesty remain intact. Not an inch has been given to support LGBTI+ inclusion.
We have to tell you that this is completely unacceptable. Echoing the words of the late Una Kroll, “We asked for bread, and you gave us a stone”. You make much of starting processes to write more documents, but our observation is that anything written is unlikely to move the situation forwards. LGCM and Changing Attitude, who are shortly to merge, will now begin a series of campaigns to change this situation. We will use the levers of power available to us and will oppose and challenge your stance where it is intransigent at every opportunity. Those of us who are members of the Church of England will remain in communion with you and will insist on making our protests and acting in ways that seek to hold the Church of England together. We will work to help it move to a more diverse and inclusive future, bringing the message of Christ alive in the present day. Like you, we are deeply concerned with the decline of the Church of England not simply numerically, but in the estimation of the English people. Our concern is, therefore, missionary as well as pastoral and political.
Your actions and inactions will not commend your church to ordinary people. We will work to make the Church of England a body of which all Christians can be proud again. We are glad that your proposal for a new report to replace Issues will engage and include LGBT Anglicans in the writing of it, and we remain ready to participate in that. In other initiatives where you allow us we will work with you, but our clear focus is on the changes that need to come.
Former head of policing in Brighton named as Senior Champion of the Year in the Stonewall Top 100 employers list
Chief Superintendent Nev Kemp, the former head of policing in Brighton & Hove, has been named as Senior Champion in Stonewall’s, 2017 Workplace Equality Index.
For the sixth time in eight years Sussex Police are featured in the Top 100 Employers Index at number 79 and the Sussex Police LGBT+ Network has also been recognised.
Ch Supt Kemp receives the award for his work as the forces LGBT+ Equality Champion – while being the divisional commander in Brighton and Hove, which included regular liaison and engagement with the LGBT+ communities across Sussex, and in the city; supporting events such as Brighton Pride, the annual Stonewall Equality Walk and his work supporting the independent Brighton & Hove LGBT+ Community Safety Forum whose role is to hold the statutory authorities to account on issues of safety affecting LGBT+ people in the city.
The Sussex Police LGBT+ Network received an award as a Highly Commended Network Group.
Ch Supt Kemp, said:“This award means a huge amount to me and I know from having spoken to colleagues, it means a huge amount to Sussex Police too. I believe strongly people perform at their best if they can be themselves. In policing we value courage and it is courage that many LGBT+ people have had to show just to be themselves. Making a stand as champion bought me into conflict on a personal level with a member of my family and sometimes the public and so I am sadly aware of the prejudice and discrimination that LGBT+ people have experienced. My own experience only made me more resolute. I have been proud to be LGBT+ Equality Champion, to be part of an organisation that values difference and I am overwhelmed to have received this award.”
Jane Carter, chair of the Sussex Police LGBT Network, said:“The inclusion of Sussex Police in the Stonewall top 100 as well as the network being recognised as a highly commended network group, is a significant achievement for the organisation.
“Both the inclusion and our placement in the index speak volumes about the efforts and initiatives that have taken place to promote and cement inclusion in the workforce. The Sussex Police LGBT Network is proud to continue to support this work and assist in any way possible to further encourage and reinforce the values promoted by Sussex Police.”
More than 430 employers entered the 2017 Stonewall Workplace Equality Index, the highest number of applicants since the index first opened in 2005. As part of the index there is a staff feedback questionnaire that participating employers can ask their staff to complete.
This year Stonewall received over 90,000 responses to the staff survey making it one of the largest national employment surveys in Britain, with 16,186 LGBT+ respondents.
For the full results and more information about Stonewall, click here:
Brighton and Hove City Council Leader Warren Morgan calls for a new body to give residents and commuters a say in who runs their rail services.
Cllr Warren Morgan
This new body, Rail South would hold those service providers to account, ensuring central government gives our region the infrastructure and operators fit for the rail service commuters and businesses need.
Leader of Brighton & Hove City Council, Warren Morgan, said:“It’s time for action on the failing Southern services, and time for passengers and businesses to have a locally accountable and democratically elected voice in how those services are designed and run. It is time for the Department for Transport to end the current “concession” arrangement with GTR, and work with passengers, business and councils on awarding a new franchise that gives us the rail services we desperately need. I have written to the Leaders of East and West Sussex County Councils this week to ask for their partnership in taking this idea forward.”
The new body would work in partnership with Department of Transport to manage the Southern rail franchise, in a similar way to Rail North. It would have a statutory role in the awarding of franchises and scrutiny of service standards, and work under the umbrella of the emerging Transport for the South East sub-national transport body, equivalent to Transport for London.
It would be a cohesive and proactive body, applying local, economic and geographical knowledge to the re-franchising process, and advance plans for future devolution of rail services, planning and infrastructure investment.
Jonathan Sharrock
Jonathan Sharrock, Chief Executive of Coast to Capital LEP, has supported the proposal, saying Rail North is a good template, he said: “Stronger local involvement in the specification and delivery of franchises is essential if we are to rebuild confidence in Southern and also to get more leverage over the investment decisions on the Brighton Main Line that Government needs to take in the next 12 months.”
MindOut celebrates LGBT+ History Month in time-honoured fashion by commemorating the brilliant work of their predecessor, Helen Boyle, who was a mental health pioneer who laid the foundations for MindOut.
Many years later we continue to be immensely grateful for her work and her foresight.
Helen was way ahead of her time, a feminist physician and psychiatrist. She was Brighton’s first female GP, the first female psychiatrist at the Royal Sussex County Hospital and the first female president of the Royal Medico-Psychological Association (now the Royal College of Psychiatrists).
Lady Chichester Hospital, Hove, 1922: Dr Boyle, photo from the Journal of Mental Science, 1939
Born in 1869, she transformed the lives of working class women in Brighton & Hove through her groundbreaking approach to understanding and treating the effects of mental distress. As a young doctor she arrived in Brighton in 1897 having worked in London’s East End which had given her first-hand experience of the mental and physical effects of poverty on women.
Determined to provide medical services to women she set up the Lewes Road Dispensary for Women & Children with Dr Mabel Jones in the then deprived area of Hanover. The dispensary offered free or low-cost treatment to women who couldn’t afford GPs’ charges, provided by and for women only. The Dispensary depended on the help of wealthy female benefactors, many of them suffragettes. Their clinic was a huge success.
Why was mental illness seemingly more common amongst the poor? Was tooth decay one of the causes of mental illness? Were housemaids more prone to mental illness than other servants? Should ‘defectives’ be sterilised to prevent the transmission of corrupted seed to future generations? Were poverty and prostitution the result of wickedness, or were they forms of ‘moral illness’? These were some of the issues raised at meetings of the Lunacy Commission, but the more Helen Boyle saw, the more convinced she became that not only was mental illness often an outcome of bread line poverty, but that it could easily be stopped in its tracks if caught early enough. It was, she came to believe, very often preventable.
Helen believed if ‘nervous disease’ could be identified early enough it could be prevented from developing into an incurable disability. In this, she was well ahead of her time, and in those days there was no real interest in the prevention of mental illness that might be caused by poverty and social distress.
In those days, if you could not pay for private care, the only way to qualify for state help was to be ‘certified insane’ and put in an asylum. Nothing was done to address the needs of those either not ill enough for the locked ward, or not yet ill enough, a situation which has changed less than might be hoped for in all the years since.
Lady Chichester Hospital, Hove, 1922
In 1905, Helen secured funding from Lady Chichester of Stanmer House, and transformed the Lewes Road Dispensary into the Lady Chichester Hospital for Women & Children With Early Nervous Disease in order to provide essential in-patient care for women in poverty, before they became certifiable. This hospital was also run by women for women.
The Lady Chichester Hospital later moved to Aldrington House in Hove, which remained a mental health day centre for the next 89 years. Helen Boyle went on to be the co-founder of Mind, the National Association for Mental Health.
Helen’s work, continued by Mind, has revolutionised how we view mental health, the politics of mental health, the social and economic causes of mental distress and the empowerment of those in need of support. Without her work, organisations like MindOut would not exist.
Looking back, we wonder how much has changed since Helen’s time. At MindOut we are desperately concerned at the rise in people in economic hardship who are struggling with their mental health. We are supporting far more people who are hungry, who can’t afford to heat their homes, who have or are about to lose their homes, who are struggling to make ends meet.
Unlike Helen’s times we do have an NHS which provides mental health services, and we have community groups offering a range of support. But none of these are secure, funding is being reduced considerably, at a time when need is on the increase. These are worrying times for mental health.
If you would like to know more or get involved, please do contact MindOut (details below), or see Mind’s website: www.mind.org.uk.
As for Helen, as well as receiving professional acclaim in the medical sector, she was honoured for her war work in Serbia in 1915. She lived in Pyecombe for the last 17 years of her life with Marguerite du Pre Gore Lindsay, dying aged 88 in 1957. She has a Brighton & Hove bus named after her.
MindOut information: MindOut offers a range of confidential, independent, free and person-centred support run by and for LGBTQ people with lived experience of mental health issues. Please do contact us with any mental health concern, mental health query or to discuss your experiences of mental health issues.
We offer advice and information, advocacy, peer support group work, peer mentoring, workshops and courses, online out of hours support and anti-stigma campaigning.
• Please join us on Thursday, February 9 at the B-Right-On Festival at the Phil Starr Pavilion. MindOut staff and volunteers will be available all day. Come and find out more about mental health and our upcoming groups and courses. All welcome.
Dr Samuel Hall on why loving yourself first can help sustain healthy and happy relationships with others.
When it comes to writing this column, I’m usually awash with ideas until I actually put pen to paper, at which point all those brilliant soundbites and gems of wisdom that have been popping into my head for weeks suddenly seem to desert me! I’m becoming increasingly familiar with writers’ block, and have considerable sympathy for those who depend on writing to make a living. I really don’t think I could take the pressure. As I sit typing at this moment, we’re smack in the middle of what many people believe is the most depressing month, with plenty of evidence to suggest that we really do hit a low some time around the third week of January. So I can add a mild seasonal depression to my writers’ block, and only apologise readers if my ennui rubs off on you.
To combat this I’m determined to elaborate on the theme for this issue – love. I’m hoping that my thoughts on the matter will serve to elevate me and anyone who is reading this, out of the winter blues. I’m a lucky soul, I have a LOT of love in my life. I’m incomprehensibly loved by my wife, a fact which flummoxed me on a daily basis – why? what does she see in me? I can be such an idiot, insensitive, self-obsessed, coarse, lazy…. and yet she seems to see beyond all of that to something else. Something at the core of me which she finds adorable. Every now and again I get a glimpse of myself through her eyes, and a flicker of self-knowledge or understanding.
The thing is, it’s not really possible to sustain a healthy and happy relationship with another person unless you love yourself first; and loving oneself is no mean feat. We didn’t learn to do it when we were younger – most children get negative messages about being themselves from a very young age, and this sets us up from early childhood to not like ourselves very much. It’s a universal experience, unless life is consumed with the matter of one’s very survival; a shortage of food and somewhere safe to sleep doesn’t give time or space for emotional wounding.
Most of us have been royally wounded by people we love, some of us badly. It’s not necessarily anyone’s fault. We’re all human, and when it comes to parenting, which is our earliest experience of love, no one is perfect. Our parents (or others responsible for raising us) do their very best, for the most part, to love us. I only found this out when I became one. I know I do my best, and that will have to be good enough, but boy does it feel lousy sometimes. You see ‘my best’ is relative. I’m far from a perfect parent. My kids drive me crazy and often I just wish they would disappear so I can just have some peace. I get scratchy and techy and lairy (their word), sometimes I’m downright unreasonable with them, and sometimes I shout and say things I regret later. It’s all a bit of a mess really. Looking back at my own childhood I see the same features of intent and purpose in my parents, coupled with spectacular failure at times. It has humbled me to realise that I really am no better at the job.
Allowing all of this to sink in leads me to a place of forgiveness. I can forgive my parents for their mistakes, and forgive myself for mine. I can look at the parts of myself I don’t like very much and learn to embrace them, so that my tolerance for my own mistakes becomes greater, and I can largely say, in my fifth decade, that I do love myself. Hopefully not in an egotistical fog of self-aggrandisement, but rather in a gentle and generous way. I apologise for my behaviour when it’s not reasonable, I don’t dwell on my mistakes, I forgive myself when I have messed up and I let go of the past as soon as it has passed, rather than hanging on to and building up grudges for future reference.
It’s been a battle to get to this point. Blood and tears have been shed and a few psychotherapists have been left reeling. But it’s all been worth it, because I truly think that today, in 2017, I can honestly say I do love myself. I’m proud of my achievements, of my tenacity in the face of adversity, I’m proud that I persevered with my transition in the face of resistance and anger from my family. And I’m especially proud that now, some years down the line, my family seem to be falling in love with me for the first time. I feel that acceptance of me as a transgender man is imminent, and that they’re looking at me with new eyes. It’s hard not to attribute this to my marriage last year. There is something about it that has caused a seismic shift in the extended family dynamic. It’s quite difficult to put my finger on, but I know that it has a lot more to do with her, than it does with me.
I think it goes something like this. I move from self-hatred to self-love over many years, which causes me to take the brave step of transitioning. This has the effect of making me a nicer person to be around. I’m being myself, not pretending to be someone I’m not. I like myself for the first time in my life. It shows. When she meets me she meets someone who is comfortable in his own skin and likes being who he is. This is very attractive. We hit it off, and start a relationship. She sees something brave and noble in this, whereas I see a woman who is divine in her understanding of me. She sees me. And through her eyes I see myself. I’ve come full circle and it’s beautiful. So thank you with all my heart to the lovely woman who is my wife. I can only pray that my love for you has the same impact on your life.
Love is excitement. Love is exhaustion. Love is daily. Love by the hour. Love is always. Love is never. Love at your leisure. Love that’s a pleasure. Love is now. Love is then. Love is today. Love is tomorrow. Love is never again. Love is light. Love is dark. Love is air. Love is fire. Love is creation. Love is foundation. Love is destruction. Love is the only heaven that is real. Love is hell. For this love, time will tell. Love irresistible. Love untouchable. Love is the longing. Love is the needing. Love the never quite achieving. Love a warrior princess. Love a cowering child. Love is lost. Love is life. Love is death. Love is everything in between. Love is smart. Love is sick. Love is holding. Love is touching. Love is desperate isolation. Love is accepting. Love is believing. Love is overachieving. Love is incandescent indignation. Love is real. Love is not. Love is fiction. Love is hot and will burn. Love is straight. Love will turn. Love that chimes. Love that rhymes. Love is wealth. Love has nothing, on you.
Love is fear. Love is pain. Love is give. Love is gain. Love is tit. Love is tat. Love is this, love is that, love is getting fat and happy. Love is feast. Love is famine. Love emaciates and starves. Love that cuts and then scars. Love is asleep. Love is awake. Love is speed and love is the break of my heart. Love is calm. Love is riot. Love is enraged. Love is tired. Love is the truth. Love is a lie. Love is life. Love will die. Love is you. Love is me. Love is him. And him. And him. And she. Love that starts. Love that stops. Love that climbs. Love that falls. Love for you. Love is for all. Love that fights. Love that bites. Love for a friend. Love for a foe. Love for good. Love for bad. Love is what we’ve always had, to share, to spare. Love for young. Love for old. Love is frightened. Love is bold. Love that strokes. Love that aches. Love that gives. Love that takes.
Love you win. Love you lose. Love that lands. Love you choose. Love can calm and will bruise. Love that lusts. Love that stares. Love that trusts. Love that cares. Love is a stranger. Love is companion. Love is the messiah. Love a pariah. Love attacks. Love embraces. Love is lazy. Love is busy. Love imprisons, makes you dizzy. Love stands still. Love is walking. Love is running. Love that races. Love for a time. Love that chases. Love that lifts. Love that soars. Love that is lavish. Love that bores. Love that’s cheap. Love that costs. Love that cheats. Love that hides. Love that seems forever lost but then finds its way home.
“Love is the truth. Love is a lie. Love is life. Love will die. Love is you. Love is me. Love is him. And him. And him. And she”
Love is hoping. Love is hating to be alone. Love is waiting, in the dark, the heat, the rain, the every-time for you. Love is never having to wait again, until the next time. Love that lives, love forgets, love forgives and that yet still smarts. Love is patient. Love’s unkind. Love sees all, yet is blind. Love that wraps. Love that seals. Love that breathes and yet steals my air.
Love is fun. Love is thinking. Love recognises that sinking feeling of escape approaching. Love is laughing when I should be crying. Love is crying when I should be laughing. Love will cry, and will try. Love is leaving and not looking back. Love is again when you think you never should. Love is again when you thought you never would. Love surprises when not looking. Love then leaves when not working. Love is fighting. Love is you lighting up the room, the street, the world. Love that listens. Love that doesn’t. Love that sings. Love that dances. Love that’s loyal. Love that chances upon another. Love that behaves, and restrains. Love of longing, wishing looks. Love of summer sweaty f***s. Love that worships. Love that reigns over me.
Love on the run. Love that is hunted. Love unrequited. Love is lonely and not wanted.
Love is not being able to look at you because my brain, my chest, my head hurts. Love is watching you sleep. Love is not sleeping when I know you’re not sleeping. Love is unexplained anxiety. Love is strength when I know you’re anxious. Love is the gravitas of our days, weeks, years together. Love is the minutes when the nights draw in. Love is the summer in the winter. Love is the thawing of the ice. Love is the fresh fall of snow, the first hint of day. Love will shake, love will shock, love is sand, love is rock. Love will calm and caress. Love will cover and undress. Love that is straight. Love that creases. Love that locks and releases whether you want it to or not. Love that roams. Love that strays. Love that plays. Love that stays.
Love is present. Love is past. Love is the half-light and forever casts a shadow on my soul. Love uplifts. Love is flight. Love holds my hand on infrequent nights apart. Love enduring. Love that’s fleeting. Love that is carnal. Love a meeting of our minds.
The love that dare not speak its name talks freely. Love is you. Love is me. Love is ours. Love is we. Love for all. Love is free. For now.
Groups working for the full inclusion of LGBT+ people in the Church of England have responded to Friday’s statement by the House of Bishops, by promising support for those who want to change – but saying that they can no longer wait for those who don’t, and that their members and supporters will begin the work of making change happen at the grassroots.
MindOut celebrates LGBT+ History Month in time-honoured fashion by commemorating the brilliant work of their predecessor, Helen Boyle, who was a mental health pioneer who laid the foundations for MindOut.
You must be logged in to post a comment.